— By Julie Beem
I had the incredible honor to interview Dr. Dan Siegel a couple of days ago in a webinar that will soon be released on ATN’s Learning Center. We did this in conjunction with Echo Parenting and Education from California. If you have not had the privilege to hear Dr. Siegel speak or read his books, you really must make this a priority. His expertise is interpersonal neurobiology. His work focuses on the impact that parenting has on children’s brain development.
Integration is the cornerstone of healthy brain development – both the ability to internally integrate within the brain as well as relational integration between people. Neuroscience research shows that fostering this relational integration (attachment) helps the brains of the people in these relationships to actually integrate and grow neural connections—i.e. cultivate resilience. His point is that high nurture, parental presence and attuned communication are environmental ways to chance a child’s brain biology for the better.
At the end of the presentation, I was able to ask Dr. Siegel questions. My main question was what adoptive/foster parents can do to really help their traumatized children. He graciously gave several ideas and acknowledged the incredibly challenging situation traumatized children and their parents face. But then he said this:
“Adoptive parents most certainly are biological parents. The people actively parenting the child are indeed biological because your parenting and the relationship you are working on building with your child biologically changes your child’s brain.”
Understanding the Concept of Biological Parenting
Dr. Siegel’s assertion may initially sound counterintuitive, especially within the context of adoptive and foster parenting. Traditionally, we tend to define biological parenting in terms of genetics—the direct transfer of DNA from parent to child. However, Dr. Siegel argues that biology is far more complex and dynamic. Parenting itself biologically changes a child’s brain. This means that the love, care, and attachment you provide as an adoptive parent actually alters the physical structure and function of your child’s brain, effectively making you a biological parent in the most significant sense.
Neuroscience of Parenting: Brain Integration and Development
One of the central themes of Dr. Siegel’s work is the concept of integration—both internal brain integration and relational integration. Internal integration refers to the brain’s ability to coordinate and balance its various regions, while relational integration focuses on how relationships between people foster brain development. For adoptive parents, this concept is profound because it means that through consistent nurture, attuned communication, and presence, you are helping your child’s brain to develop in healthy, resilient ways.
The Role of Attachment in Brain Development
Attachment is a crucial component of healthy brain development. When children feel securely attached to their caregivers, their brains develop more robust neural pathways that support emotional regulation, resilience, and cognitive function. Dr. Siegel emphasizes that high-nurture parenting and attuned communication create an environment where the child’s brain can grow and integrate.
Children who have experienced early trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving often have fragmented neural pathways. Their brains may be wired for survival—constantly on high alert, expecting danger or rejection. As an adoptive parent, you play a vital role in helping rewire these pathways. By providing a secure attachment and consistently meeting your child’s emotional needs, you can foster the neural integration that helps them regulate their emotions and build trust.
The Impact of Trauma on the Developing Brain
For adoptive and foster parents, it is critical to understand how trauma can affect the developing brain. When a child experiences trauma, their brain’s natural development process can become disrupted. Trauma often leads to a state of chronic stress, which floods the brain with stress hormones like cortisol. Over time, this heightened state of alert can impair a child’s ability to learn, form relationships, and manage their emotions.
Chronic Stress and Survival Mode
Children who have lived through traumatic experiences may become “stuck” in survival mode. Their brains remain hypervigilant, always scanning the environment for threats. In this state, parts of the brain responsible for higher-level functions—like emotional regulation and problem-solving—can become underdeveloped. Instead, the brain prioritizes areas involved in survival instincts, such as the amygdala, which is responsible for processing fear.
As a result, these children may struggle with behaviors that seem irrational or disproportionate to the situation. For example, a minor disagreement may trigger a severe emotional outburst, or a child may withdraw completely in the face of conflict. Understanding that these reactions are rooted in their brain’s biology can help adoptive parents approach these behaviors with more empathy and patience.
Changing the Brain Through Nurture and Attachment
The most exciting and hopeful aspect of Dr. Siegel’s research is that the brain is incredibly plastic—meaning it has the ability to change and adapt throughout life. This phenomenon, known as neuroplasticity, is especially relevant for children who have experienced trauma. While early experiences of neglect or abuse can disrupt normal brain development, the right kind of caregiving can help repair and rewire those neural pathways.
How Adoptive Parents Can Help Rewire the Brain
Adoptive parents play an active role in helping their children develop healthy brain patterns. Dr. Siegel explains that nurturing environments and loving relationships have a direct biological impact on the brain. Here are several ways that adoptive parents can actively change their child’s brain for the better:
Consistent Presence: Being physically and emotionally present with your child on a consistent basis is critical. This presence fosters a sense of safety, which is essential for healthy brain development.
Attuned Communication: Pay attention to your child’s emotional and nonverbal cues. Responding with empathy and understanding helps build a secure attachment, which in turn supports brain integration.
High Nurture, High Structure: Children who have experienced trauma need both nurture and structure. Nurture provides the emotional warmth and security they crave, while structure helps them feel safe and know what to expect. This combination helps rewire the brain for trust and emotional regulation.
Therapeutic Parenting: Trauma-informed parenting techniques, such as therapeutic parenting, can further support the healing process. These approaches focus on empathy, validation, and understanding the root of behaviors, rather than focusing solely on discipline.
Patience and Persistence: Brain changes take time, especially for children with a history of trauma. Progress may be slow and nonlinear, but every small step helps create new neural pathways that support healthier emotional and cognitive functioning.
Parenting as a Biological Process
Dr. Siegel’s assertion that “adoptive parents are biological parents” is both scientifically and emotionally significant. Parenting isn’t just about providing for a child’s needs in the present moment; it’s about literally shaping who they become on a biological level. The brain, which is constantly evolving, is deeply affected by relationships—particularly those with primary caregivers. This means that the bond between parent and child isn’t just emotional; it’s also biological.
As adoptive parents, you are continually contributing to your child’s biological makeup by fostering new neural connections and promoting brain integration. The everyday moments of parenting—comforting a child after a nightmare, setting consistent boundaries, celebrating successes, and managing frustrations—are the building blocks of their brain’s development.
Understanding Your Role as a Biological Parent
It’s important for adoptive parents to embrace the role of being a “biological” parent in this sense. The term “biological parent” typically refers to a child’s birth parents, but adoptive parents must recognize the significant biological influence they have. You are not simply a substitute caregiver; you are actively changing your child’s biology through your love, care, and presence. This can be incredibly empowering for parents, especially those who feel overwhelmed by the challenges of raising a child who has experienced trauma.
The Emotional Impact of Understanding Your Role
Recognizing that you are biologically shaping your child’s brain can also alleviate some of the guilt or fear that adoptive parents may carry. Many parents worry about the trauma their child has experienced and wonder if they can truly make a difference. Dr. Siegel’s research provides a resounding “yes” to this question. You are not only helping your child heal emotionally; you are helping them heal on a biological level as well.
The Lifelong Impact of Nurture on Brain Development
While the early years are critical for brain development, it’s never too late to make a positive impact on a child’s brain. Neuroplasticity allows the brain to continue adapting and changing throughout life. This means that even older children or teens who have experienced trauma can benefit from nurturing, consistent relationships.
Conclusion: You ARE a Biological Parent
As adoptive parents, you are far more than legal guardians or caregivers. You are actively and biologically shaping your child’s brain through your presence, love, and attachment. Dr. Siegel’s work offers a profound reminder that parenting is a biological process—one that has the power to change lives. Understanding this can empower adoptive parents to embrace their role with confidence, knowing that the love and care they provide have a lasting, biological impact on their child’s development.