December 8, 2014
by: Deborah A. Novo
I picked up the phone to hear my, then 18 year old son, say, “Mom, you will NEVER believe who I just found on facebook!”
I found myself holding my breath as I instinctively knew to whom he was referring. The woman who gave birth to him and to whom he had biological, psychological and energetic ties. It had been well over a decade since last contact. I had long ago promised it would be harmful to him and to my integrity to demonize her in any way. He will always have two mothers.
The truth be told she is a lingering ghost anyhow…the residual effects of profoundly poor parenting found in his everyday struggles.
The Mama Bear in me wanted to protect him. I wanted to shout out warnings to proceed with extreme caution. I decided the best approach was to give extra hugs, occasionally ask how communication with his birth mother was going and let him know I was available anytime he needed me. My son would offer occasional feedback saying that nothing had changed with her. I told him I was sorry he found her unchanged and that he was worthy and loved.
At the time, I was facebook friends with my son. I could now see her innumerable posts to his wall introducing herself as his Mom, public messaging his friends and posting quotes such as “my kids are my life, you mess with them you mess with me.” Family and friends were messaging and calling me asking what was going on. I found myself silently becoming angry. I began thinking about all the things she did and didn’t do that led to his severe attachment issues.
After three weeks of seeing facebook posts I decided to act in my own best interest and “unfriend” my son. This gave me the opportunity to unplug from the drama. I often help my sons with tools on how to change negative thinking. It was surely time for me to take my own advice. Sitting quietly in front of the fireplace it took only moments of staring into the flames to realize the truth. My son knows with whom his heart is safe and I choose to let go of everything else.
